How To Cure A Hangover

Me yesterday.
  • If you’re nauseous and not hungry, DON’T eat.
  • If you’re nauseous and not hungry, DON’T drink carbonated drinks — this includes ginger ale.
  • Sleep as much as you can.
  • If this doesn’t cure nausea, lie on your bathroom floor — best if you have tiles — and snuggle with the toilet until that pizza you ate when you weren’t hungry comes up.
  • Stay horizontal for as long as possible.
  • DON’T exercise. You will probably vomit.
  • Perhaps go to a sauna or steam room to sweat it out. DON’T go to hot yoga. You will probably vomit.
  • Watch the trashiest, most mindless rubbish on TV.
  • Drink ginger ale after you’ve barfed your brains out.
  • Pray feverishly that your hangover is cured by 4pm. When this time passes, pray it ends by 7pm.
  • Apple juice helps sometimes. Or super sugary grape juice.
  • Admire that skinny stomach after not ingesting anything all day.
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