Happy Festivus!

If you know me, you know I am the self-proclaimed female George Costanza.

This is the truth, beauties.

I also am trying to post QUALITY posts over QUANTITY posts (shoutout to my main heezy, Casey Palmer, for that sweet blog advice.)

Anyways.

TODAY IS FESTIVUS. HAPPY FESTIVUS TO ALL! 

Now – for the main event: the Airing of [my] Grievances. What a better way to rant/complain/bitch/vent/let it all out than my public diary on one of my most favourite occasions of the year?!

Later this evening, I will perform Feats of Strength. Find me in the gym for that bad boy!

2013 you were – for the most part – pretty freaking awesome. However, I do have some shit to sort out with you.

Let us commence.

  • To the people in the gym who leave their towels over machines to “reserve them” or whatever weak excuse they have. STOP THAT. Especially women in the women’s only section at my gym. Go purchase equipment for your home gyms if you’re going to act like that.
  • To the people who follow/unfollow/follow on social media and beg me to follow you, this is all I have to say to you: 
  • To the people who talk to me during my set at the gym. DO. NOT. DO. THAT. You’re breaking my mind-muscle connection  like Thor broke the rainbow bridge – except it’s 100 times less cool.
  • Mother Nature in 2013: what the hell, girl?! Go get some lovin’ from Father Time or something. You’re totally killing my buzz: you made me miss a few dates and some crucial business meetings. Flooding, a dumping of snow, a deadly typhoon and an ice storm? NO.
  • The price of chicken breasts. I do not need to elaborate on this.
  • The price of almond butter. See above.
  • iOS7 and your complete destruction of words when autocorrecting. Go home, you’re drunk.
  • GUYS. MALES. MEN (…debatable.) Again…do not need to elaborate. You’re annoying and confusing and I’m four dates away from becoming a crazy dog lady.

    me in a few years?! HAHA
  • Rent in Toronto. Seriously? Why would I spend a paycheck on a space equivalent to a cardboard box? Toronto, you’re too bougie for me.
  • People who believe playing the victim will achieve them higher social status and/or put them in a favourable position and/or I have no idea what they’re thinking, but it’s annoying. I ran into this a lot this year and let’s just say…IT GRINDS MY GEARS. Be strong, people. You could have it so much worse. #firstworldproblems is an epidemic. And if you think this applies to you…yeah I just called you out on it. 
  • PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN. LOL IRONIC. (IS THIS THE CORRECT USE OF IRONY? HA!)
  • Commuting via GO Transit. I pay almost 14 dollars a day five days a week to stand 65% of the time during my 30-40 minute commute. (SO MANY STATZ.) And they’re hiking the fare next year. No thanks.
  • Too-obvious fake boobs. Being exposed to the competing world, I notice them EVERYWHERE. Everyone and their grandma has them now. I’m gonna bring back the A-maybe-a-small-B-cup to the fitness world. JUST WATCH.
  • People who don’t know how to use social media. It’s 2013. If you cannot use it or be professional on it (that is, if you have an active business on social media), please leave. It’s embarrassing. Just stay traditional.
  • Why I don’t have hamstring-glute separation yet. I’M GRIEVING FOR THIS. I’m impatient. I’m a Leo. Get over it.

I am self-aware enough that this is a very negative post – I even contemplated trashing it in the middle of writing it. But I really love Seinfeld and find Festivus hysterical, so I thought…why not?! Everyone’s always posting positive things about the year in reflection, so why not be the black sheep?

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

May 2014 bring glute and back gains and a bigger, more satisfying pay check.

Best,

xx

Paigey

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. Such a good writer… Go You!!
    So I seen you were in the magazine, that’s dope! Really happy for you, you seem to be taking this seriously; which you should. It’s a great way to inspire others. Also I have M.E.F. shirts in with the new updates logo design. If you’re interested in one let me know. Ill mail you one. Until the next time, peace and love 🙂

    P.S. What’s your take on Pusha T’s album?? I got it and thought it was straight. Wbu?

    Isaac Hall
    #Cheers2Health

  2. HAHAHA! You would HATE me! I use my towel to reserve the squat rack…. but that’s usually because I spent a good 15 minutes UN-racking it and I’m NOT gonna spend another 15 minutes un-racking the one next to me cause some asshole was too lazy to set the bar lower and do it himself…. I come prepared so my sets are quick.

    As for the hamstring glute separation… you and me both sista’. All I want for Christmas is for my ass not to hang so low and to sit higher off my hammies 😦 Next years goals though! That’s one of ’em!

    Thanks for having entertaining posts girl, I loooove reading them 🙂 Keep it up! Happy Holidays!

    ~Jess

    1. Paige Andrea says:

      LOOOOL! No I wouldn’t hate you – that’s legitimate. I totally understand that (which brings me to another grievance: when people don’t re-rack weights!! Like congrats on pressing 90 plates…now take them off so I don’t have to!) So annoying! It makes me hulk smash even thinking about it at work, haha. I only have a problem when someone is “supersetting” (but not actually because they’re dicking around for 30 minutes in between sets) between two machines. I’m sorry…is this your home gym? NO. And they won’t “work in” because they’re nowhere to be found! Hahah!

      Omigosh. I murdered my glutes yesterday specifically for that purpose! I have a big booty – I just need definition and DAT HAM-GLUTE TIE. I dream of it.

      Thanks for reading! Love connecting with fellow fit beauties! When is your comp? Is it your first one?

      1. Totally get you there. I have to add 10 min to a workout because I KNOW I’ll end up having to re-rack half the gym. GUHHHH, hate it! Especially when I’m the first person there at 5am, the staff should have the gym spick n’ span for the next day too. Should be part of their ‘closing duties’ to re-rack at night.

        I love training booty! I don’t want a crease thoooo, it’s still there! My hubby is a trainer and said that diet and cardio (hill intervals, sprinting, swimming) will shed the ‘fat’. Lifting will build and LIFT!

        I love reading your posts 🙂 It’s nice to get advice from someone who has competed before. My first comp is April 25 & 26th! Emerald Cup 2014 in Washington! Stilll a loooooong ways to go. ITCHING for it to be sooner!

        ~Jess

  3. you have to re-explain to me glute-ham separation 😛

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